This is the time of year when people start to reflect on the year gone by and plan for the year to come. They make resolutions for the new year which are promises that they will keep for 30 days at the most. I never make New Year’s resolutions because a year is a long time to keep a promise and I know I can’t do it. That’s why I am making Christmas resolutions, promises I’m pretty sure I can keep for a day. Here are my Christmas resolutions.
- I resolve to remain relatively sober on Christmas so that I don’t pass out in my pie again.
2. I resolve to look at every gift I receive, no matter how crappy it is, and remark, “Well would you look at this!”
3. I resolve not to hang any mistletoe in the house to limit sexual harassment complaints.
4. I resolve to eat no more than 12 cookies a day.
5. I resolve to save the bows from the packages even though they only cost about a nickel.
6. I resolve to take pictures of dinner and NOT post them on the internet.
7. I resolve to recycle everything I can including wrapping paper, boxes, and that crappy gift I pretended to like.
8. I resolve not to make vomiting sounds when the Jello squares with fruit chunks imbedded in them are passed my way.
9. I resolve to drop $10 in the Salvation Army kettle, one quarter at a time, so they have to say thank you 40 times.
10. I resolve not to do any work on the day after Christmas because it is Boxing Day in Canada and they are very close to us, so why not latch onto their holiday too.
And finally, I resolve to make as many people laugh as I can, because even though it’s a holiday, comedy never sleeps.