As I near my departure date for Australia, I am on the horns of a dilemma, and if you 
have ever faced a horny dilemma you know what I mean.
I need to pack for my trip and I don’t know what to pack because I don’t know what Australians wear. I’ve seen pictures of them and the only thing I’m sure about right now is that I need a hat with corks dangling from it. Other than that I wonder what is appropriate for this foreign land?
At first I thought that since the country was built by prisoners, black and white stripes would be a good choice. Then I Googled pictures of aborigines, the first Australians, and discovered that a loin cloth and body paint might be the way to go.
I was going to base my fashion choices on famous Australians like Russel Crowe or Hugh Jackman but they’re over here now and dress like the rest of us. So I looked for an Australian celebrity who’s still in Australia and came up with Dame Edna but that’s not a good look for me.
I know I could wear Ugg boots and fit right in but it’s summer over there right now and I don’t have any Ugg sandals. So I have decided to just pack like I always do, except with a lot more underwear.
The airline suggests that I also pack a carryon with a change of clothes in case my luggage gets lost. Is this a regular event? Luggage gets lost on a 15 hour non-stop flight? This doesn’t say much for their luggage handlers.
My major concern on this trip is the time change. When traveling to Australia I will cross both the International Date Line and the Equator. As far as I know, this could cause some kind of a time warp and when I land it will be Thursday 1983 in which case the clothes I packed are going to be all wrong…except for my parachute pants.
When you next hear from me it will be tomorrow in Australia, so if you read this on a Monday, it’s Tuesday in Australia. This means that I will know the winning lottery numbers a day ahead. I can’t believe nobody thought of this before but I plan to cash in big time. Cha ching!
Next stop, Sydney.
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