The flight to Sydney can best be described as level four of Dante’s seven levels of hell. The
plane was full of people who would spend the next 15 hours shifting in their uncomfortable seats, removing their shoes, and making bodily noises that come from unknown origin. Ah the joys of air travel.
Some people slept on the flight, some read, and some watched videos. I just flashed back to remember more pleasant experiences in my life like root canal work or a colonoscopy.
The flight was also kind of bumpy. Actually, it was bumpy as hell. I now know what a lottery ball feels like when they turn on the machine. It was the longest carnival ride ever.
Upon landing in Sydney, I had to go through immigration which was highlighted by a line longer than the one for Space Mountain and a system as efficient as the DMV. But after a hour or so, I was admitted to the country and immediately went to my hotel where the concept of lying down in a prone position on a real bed never sounded better.
My cab driver from the airport told me that this is an exciting time in Sydney. They are having the World Cup cricket matches, it’s Chinese New Year, and they are celebrating gay Mardi Gras. So if you are a gay Chinese cricket fan, this is the place to be.
I tried watching a cricket match on TV and I must say that it makes baseball look action packed. In essence, a pitcher hurls a ball towards the batter on one bounce and he has to hit it with a bat the size of a fraternity pledge paddle. I’m not sure what you have to do to score but in the match I was watching between South Africa and India the score was 126 to 85. Apparently defense isn’t that important.
The first sight I saw after leaving my room was the Sydney opera house, an iconic building that highlights the entrance to Sydney harbor. I also saw the Sydney Harbor bridge that is a tourist attraction in its own right. For a mere $150, you can climb to the top of the bridge where the view is fantastic but you aren’t allowed to bring a camera. So even though you go through the exertion of climbing 1400 steps, you can’t take a selfie to prove you were there. I decided that for substantially less money I could Photoshop myself onto the top of the bridge and no one would be the wiser.
Tomorrow I am off to see kangaroos, koalas, wallabies, and other assorted Australian wildlife. At least the animals will let you take pictures with them although the kangaroos expect a tip. That’s what the pouch is for.
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