Dale Irvin here to bring you a summary of last night’s Republican National Convention,
I watched the convention from the beginning and I flipped between channels. Unlike last night where I went from CNN to FOX, to PBS, tonight I went from CNN to the White Sox game; to America’s Got Talent; back to the baseball game; and then to the convention. So I may have missed a speech here are there but in all likelihood it was really bad any how. Here’s what I caught.
The night began with a video salute to Ron Paul, the candidate whose votes for the nomination were not allowed to be read yesterday.I guess it was kind of a make good.
Mitch McConnel – The Senator from Kentucky was the first to address the audience and was possibly the worst speaker I have ever heard outside of Ozzie Ozbourn. At least he broke out of the stereotype that people have of Republicans as stogy old white guys.
Rand Paul – The other Senator from Kentucky and the son of the lovable Ron Paul
talked about the Tang family who built their own donut shop, obviously from the money they made selling the orange tasting powdered beverage named after them to NASA.
Next came a tribute video to George W. Bush and his dad, George Herbert Walker Bush, as well as Laura and Barbara, and they all endorsed Mitt Romney, which was probably why their video was so much longer than Ron Paul’s.
Senator John McCain – It was his 76th birthday and the crowd wanted to sing Happy Birthday to him, but security feared that the birthday spankings might have been too much.
White Sox are leading 4-0
Senator Rob Portman from Ohio was the next speaker I saw. He railed on about Barack Obama and did everything except call him out for a fist fight on the White House lawn; which would have pulled huge ratings not to mention big bucks on pay per view.
Isaac is downgraded to a tropical storm but is still dumping a lot of water on the area. Anderson Cooper is still wet.
Tim Palenty – The governor of Minnesota also tried his hand at stand up comedy and quickly proved that it is a lot harder than it looks. He had one good line when he said that “Barack Obama has failed us but that’s understandable. A lot of people fail at their first real job.”
Then he lapsed into a more bad jokes and some maudlin family stories.
Mike Huckabee Former Arkansas Governor
He said “We can do better” and I thought he hit the nail on the head. I was watching America’s Got Talent at the time and I thought yhat if any of those people want to win, they have to do better.
Condoleeza Rice – The former secretary of state impressed me the most. Not just because of what she said, but she was the only speaker who worked without a teleprompter and her speech was flawless. With that ability she could have won on America’s Got Talent.
Susana Martinez, the governor of New Mexico said that she is the first hispanic female governor in New Mexico’s history, and that she packs a .357 magnum. This is what we call a W.N.T.B.M.W., a Woman Not To Be Messed With
White Sox win! 8-1
Paul Ryan, the vice presidential nominee was the headliner for the night and he is the first Generation X-er to run on the presidential ticket.
He said his iPod “starts with AC/DC and ends with Zepplin.” I can just picture him and Mitt rockin’ in the halls of the White House singing “We’re on a Highway To Hell.”
He got the audience on their feet by telling them that under somebody’s seat is a red dot and if Romney wins, that person will be the new secretary of the interior.
His best quote of the night, in my opinion, is when he said “College graduates should not have to live with their parent’s in their childhood bedroom, starring up at fading Obama posters.” If your room is decorated with Obama posters, you have a lot more problems that being out of a job. Get a life first, the job will follow.
That’s it for Day 2. Thursday’s events at the convention are supposed to include a surprise speaker but no word yet as to who it will be. I’m hoping for AC/DC.
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Brilliant. Funny, too. Very, on both counts. THANKS!