It’s day 3 and the last day of the Republican Presidential Convention but if you missed any part of this three-day Mitt-A-Palooza allow me to give you a summary of yesterday’s stirring conclusion.
Speaker of the House John Boehner kicked off the evening by telling
us that Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan are the candidates for president and vice president. I’m sorry John but I think we all knew this a few weeks ago, I thi
nk they were just trying to give you something to say on the big stage that wouldn’t make you cry.
A video about the legacy of Ronald Reagan was shown, after which Newt and Calista Gingrich then told us the same thing but in a more formal and stilted manner.
Mitt’s youngest son, Craig, came out and started showing off by speaking Spanish. I don’t know exactly what he said but I think it was, “We have a black Chevy outside blocking the driveway. If this is your car, please move it now.”
Jeb Bush the former governor of Florida came out and said that China and India produce 8 times the number of engineers that we do. Of course they do, look how close they are to all of the support centers.
Then Jeb started talking about milk and he sounded like Bubba from Forest Gump when he talked about shrimp. “You’ve got whole milk, buttermilk, 2% milk, reduced fat milk, skim milk, chocolate milk, strawberry milk, and milk for people who drink milk.
Bishop Grant Bennet, Romney’s minister brought out some people from Mitt’s church and they were all ready to raise him to sainthood on the spot. Saint Mitt, patron saint of the good looking.
Then about 9 PM, it turned into a Mitt Love Fest with videos and more videos about Mitt. I wouldn’t doubt if there was a sitcom in the works, “Everybody Loves Mitt”
The much talked about surprise guest was none other than Dirty Harry himself, Clint Eastwood who did an improv-ventriloquist act with an empty chair representing President Obama. He asked the invisible president questions he couldn’t answer, and the invisible president told Clint to do something Clint said he couldn’t do by himself. I’m guessing he was talking about ping pong.
And Clint said that we own this country, although truth be told I think China’s got the first mortgage. And he ended with a group singalong of “make my day.”
Senator Marco Rubio FL, came out to introduce Mitt Romney and did an admirable warm up job with a couple of jokes, a few stories, some good old fashioned jingoism, and then he pinned Barack Obama to the mat.
Next he gave a shout out to God, which is always a good idea, and stirred up the crowd with motivational spanish words. He closed by introducing the main man, Mitt Romney.
Mitt Romney walked down the aisle looking fit, healthy, and like he has a stick firmly stuck in his bum. After a five minute ovation, Mitt said he accepted the nomination.
Mitt came out and said that he really likes women. He’d have women in his cabinet and would stack the White House with women. We’ll see how Ann feels about that.
Mitt the jokester; He said that when he started out in business, he almost asked his churches pension fund to invest but thought better of it. “He didn’t mind losing money he just didn’t want to go to hell.”
A few times he was interrupted by chants from the audience of “USA, USA” which, when you think about it is a dumb thing to chant. We’re all in the USA, they should have been shouting Re-Pub-Lic-An.
He closed on a high note with multiple God Bless You’s and the ever present balloon drop. Then came the confetti and the wives and the kids and the grandkids and the stage was packed full of Romneys.
The balloons kept falling, the candidates kept waving and, thank goodness, Anderson Cooper had completely dried out.
That’s this convention in a nut shell but don’t worry, we’re going to start the whole thing again Tuesday with a recap of the first day of the Democratic Convention from Charlotte.
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You are a national treasure! This is the way to summarize a convention.