In my never-ending quest to discover the core difference between men and women, I have Mr-Skill-Broken-Toiletrecently discovered yet another parting of the thought patterns.

Out of the blue, one day, my wife said, “I want to re-do the bathroom.” Since she didn’t say “I want you to re-do the bathroom”, I was okay with the idea. I figured that a
“re-do” involved a paint job and some new towels. I could not have been more mistaken.

Since I don’t watch the same “fix my crappy house” TV shows that my wife does, I did not know that “re-do” meant ripping out everything, down to the bare walls, and then ripping out the walls. After this demolition I will be missing a perfectly good, flush toilet, a perfectly good shower, and some perfectly good walls. Why? Because I’m getting a re-do.

There are many decisions to be made in a bathroom re-do. First, you have to pick out new fixtures like a toilet and a sink. I was very used to my old toilet. We bonded over the years and I always knew it would be there to support and comfort me. But now I have to get a new toilet, one that I don’t know.

So we went to the Toilet, Sink, & Shower store to select the new fixtures. I didn’t care what the sink looked like. It’s a bowl that holds water. But the toilet, that was another matter. I needed to find my perfect comfort level, so I grabbed a magazine and sat on every toilet in the store to find just the right one. I like the one we picked out. It has a cup holder.

We also needed to decide on expensive faucet and handles for the sink and a new expensive shower head for the shower. There was quite a selection but thankfully, all of them were expensive. I let my wife decide on the sink handles and I picked out the shower head. I got one with a bunch of nozzles that shoot from six different angles. Sounds like shower-time fun.

Once the fixtures were decided upon, tile selection appeared on the agenda. Again, I really don’t care about tile and care even less about the color of grout. I only need a comfortable toilet and a shower with nozzles and I’m good. The tile could be any color, any pattern, and I don’t care.

At this point I thought my part of the re-do was over, but again, I was more mistaken than Hillary Clinton deleting e-mails. I was given a document called an “estimate” and just about “shit” my pants. The re-do of a perfectly good, properly flushing bathroom was going to cost more than college tuition, which is fitting because I will be using it to read and study. If Bernie Sanders were president I’d probably get it for free.

The destruction/reconstruction process has not yet begun, but once it does, it will last for weeks and weeks because home projects always do. I’ll let you know how everything works out.

Anybody want to buy my old toilet? It’s on Ebay.

This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

Comments are closed.