As the seasons go, I am a fan of all four of them, although if it were up to me, I’d shortenimages winter to about six weeks and make it up with the other three. That would give us a longer spring when there’s resurgence and renewal in the air, a longer summer when there’s humidity in the air, and a longer fall, which is where I sense a problem.

Fall, nee Autumn, is a time of drastic changes. First off, the leaves change color from green to oranges, reds, and yellows. Then the time changes from Daylight Savings Time to Daylight is Gone By The Time You Get Off Work Time. This can be a shock to many biorhythms and when you throw in the changing tides, all hell breaks loose.

We can’t even depend on our holidays to keep us sane. Christmas is over two months away yet Christmas trees and decorations are already popping up everywhere, right next to the Halloween supplies. I decided to combine my decorations this year so I bought three skeletons for Halloween. The next day I will convert them to Christmas decorations with bathrobes, scarves, and long sticks and, voila, three shepherds. Add some bling and swap the sticks for little boxes and I have the Magi.

Last year I carved my pumpkin in the shape of a turkey, hoping it would last until Thanksgiving, and it did. There was a little fuzz growing on the turkey and he was starting to shrink but dammit, the pumpkin lasted.

Speaking of Thanksgiving, I never know what day it is on. I know it’s the fourth Thursday in November but that could be anywhere from November 20th to the 26th and that makes it hard to plan for America’s favorite holiday…Black Friday.

We will stay up all night to be the first in line for big deals on stuff we don’t really need. Many stores even open on Thanksgiving Day which means the family dinner is limited to turkey subs from Subway.

Between Halloween and Thanksgiving Day is the scariest holiday of the year, Election Day. This year, election day won’t mean much to most people, but in just one year, we will be selecting the new leader of our country from all of the available bozos on the bus.

Veterans Day is also celebrated in the fall, specifically November 11th. Veterans Day used to be called Armistice Day but Congress decided that it was easier for them to spell Veterans in all official documents.

If you think that fall is a confusing time of the year, use it to your advantage. In the spring, slothful people explain their inactivity with the excuse of Spring Fever. Well if you should find yourself confused, perplexed, and puzzled this season, blame it all on the Autumn Ailment, also known as Fall Fibrosis.


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