With 25% of Americans currently running for president, I have been thinking, “Why not me?” Well, I could certainly run for office but it just doesn’t interest me. I would much rather voice my concerns, questions, and opinions without having to worry about packing up my stuff and moving to public housing in Washington. So I have decided to use this soapbox to opine, in the hopes that one or two of the candidates will pay attention and address my concerns, because they are probably your concerns too.
My major concern at the moment is one of equal rights. All Americans are supposed to have equal rights no matter where they came from. African Americans, Hispanic Americans, Asian Americans, etcetera, all have equal rights, but who is standing up for our friends, our best friends, Canine Americans?
I want to stand up for the dogs who can’t stand up for themselves. I want to set the precedent for dogs to sue their owners, to sue their wrong doers, and to sue the government – because that’s where the big money is.
They say that you can’t teach an old dog new tricks but that is just a stereotype against senior dogs as far as I am concerned. It’s time for every dog to have his day so I want to speak out for mutts everywhere through class action suits on behalf of our canine brethren.
Dogs do not get any credit or residuals for the things they are credited with creating. For instance, this time of the year is referred to as the Dog Days of Summer. Why? Dogs don’t get any special mention during this time of the year. There are no dog parades or dog picnics, and I doubt if dogs are actually aware of this time being referred to as the dog days because the man is keeping them down. Down boy down.
I will seek to have the phrase Dog Days trademarked on behalf of all dogs so that each time it is used, money has to be paid directly to the dogs so they have cash to play poker with. You know they do, you’ve all seen the pictures.
Dogs have also been disrespected when it comes to golf. Dogs are not allowed on the golf course yet golf course designers refer to certain holes as doglegs. If dogs aren’t allowed on the course you shouldn’t be allowed to reference parts of their anatomy to describe your holes.
Many of the descriptive terms we use in this country stem from the loyal dog yet the canine gets no credit. We hear the phrases, sick as a dog; dog tired; work like a dog; let sleeping dogs lie; and it’s a dog’s life, but do they see any money from this? I fear not.
I know that most of these lawsuits don’t stand a dog’s chance but I don’t care. I want to go ahead and see that our best friends are recognized for their contributions, their assistance, and their unconditional love. It’s their style and when it comes to dog style, you just can’t beat it.
So stand up for dogs my friends and call your congressperson to demand canine rights. Remember, to err is human, to forgive, canine.
This is only one of my ideas on how we can improve America. I may not be running for president but I will be voting for someone, and I can only hope that they can fix this country before it goes to the dogs.
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