April – 30 Days Hath It

As you are by now aware, we are into the month of April, but how much do we eally know 640_Aprilabout it? All we have ever been taught is that April showers bring May flowers but April is so much more than that. I have done a great deal of ersatz research on the month of April and am proud to present my findings in the following white paper.

April is the fourth month of the year and is named after no one in particular. In fact, according to the source of all sources, Wikipedia, April gets its name from Aprillis (true), a popular shampoo of the Georgian era (not so true). Since everybody washed their hair in April to get ready for spring, it was natural to name the month after their favorite suds.

April has 30 days now but originally had only 29. The original calendar makers thought that after the ugly events that occurred on the Ides of March, to delete the Ides of April. For many years, April did not have a 15th day. Then the IRS found out and squeezed in an extra day that they now use to squeeze us for all the money they can.

April’s official stone is the diamond. This is why baseball season always starts in April, they play on a diamond. The official flower of April is the daisy. There’s nothing funny about that, it’s just what it is.

April 1st is April Fool’s Day when you are free to play pranks on others and then prepare for their retaliation. The best pranks are the ones in which no one is hurt. The funniest pranks are those involving some guy getting hit in the nards.

April 15th is Tax Day when you have to file your IRS returns and pay any taxes due. This makes April 15th the worst day of the year. Don’t believe me? Then ask President Lincoln who was shot on that day, or the passengers of the Titanic which hit an iceberg on the 15th. It’s enough to put a person in a sour mood which will last until…

April 20th is better known as 4/20, International Marijuana Day. For many years, a code phrase used among stoners has been “4/20” This usually means “I smoke pot but I don’t have any.” Nobody knows how the numbers 4/20 originated as pot code but nobody has put much effort into finding out either. Just enjoy the day.

The day after 4/20 is Patriots Day, and the day after that is Earth Day so all patriots are urged to plant their own marijuana using organic methods.

April 30th is the last day of the month and is usually known as May Day Eve. May Day is the first day of May and is also known as International Workers’ Day. To celebrate this day, people dance around May poles; swat Mayflies; and eat May-onnaise.

In summary, April is a month of celebrations so enjoy it while it’s here.

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