We are coming out of a lousy winter. People kept saying “WTF” this winter which stood for “Why the flurries?” because there seemed no end to the snow, but we have finally reached spring. According to my Farmers Almanac, March 20th marked the first day of spring, the vernal equinox, and the time of renewal. Except in Boston where it has been postponed until June.
Spring is a magical time of the year when the snow melts away and you discover your lawn to be a veritable minefield of dog doo deposited over the winter. In spring, flowers start to poke their heads out of the ground, buds appear on trees, and vines are sprouting. There’s new hope. A new beginning. The Cubs will win the World Series. (Pause for snickers and deriding laughter.)
I like spring because the days are getting longer, increasing every day until they are 25 hours long. That’s why we have to adjust the clocks, but it’s worth the effort. I’m a big fan of daylight because everything is easier to see. Of course, when it’s dark, there’s nothing to see anyhow.
It’s almost time for Easter and that means the traditional Easter egg hunt, a concept I have never understood. It seems that a rabbit named Easter Bunny works with chickens the way Santa works with elves. Unceasingly.
The Easter Bunny takes the hens’ eggs, hard boils them, dyes them bright colors, and goes house to house hiding them for children to find. Why? That’s the weird part, nobody knows. There’s nothing in it for him.
People leave cookies and milk for Santa but leave squat for the Easter Bunny. I always felt bad about this as a kid and one year I left lettuce for the Easter Bunny. When I woke up the lettuce was gone and he left us mice.
The Easter Bunny also delivers images of himself carved into chocolate. If you get a chocolate Bunny and it’s hollow, it’s counterfeit. Official chocolate Bunnies are made of solid chocolate and last for more than one sitting.
On Easter Sunday we always eat ham. I don’t know why but just assumed it was some sort of Easter rule passed down through the ages. Too bad they don’t make the ham out of chocolate.
Another harbinger of spring is Opening Day for Major League Baseball. The boys of summer reappear to dazzle us with their contracts and endorsements while we sit in the stands drinking warm beer from a paper cup and paying $10 for the privilege.
I think most people like baseball because it’s a sport everybody can play. Unlike polo or steeplechase, baseball requires no horses. The only equipment required is one bat and one ball. And, if it’s raining, you just go home and come back the next day.
This spring I think I’m going to plant something. I’d like to grow wheat but there’s not enough room in the yard so I guess I’ll plant a tree. I’m going to plant a money tree and an ash tree. If people don’t believe I really have a money tree, they can kiss my ash.
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