Today I traveled to Cairns and the Great Barrier Reef. The reef is the largest living thing 
in the world which makes it bigger than Godzilla, Chris Christie, and Kim Kardashian’s butt combined. In other words, it’s huge.
The reef covers over 132,000 square miles which is God knows how many square kilometers so I doubt if I will see the whole thing but I will definitely experience the part with the sharks, jellyfish, and assorted other sea life that could kill me. I hope you appreciate the fact that when I go into the water that I will be putting my life on the line for your reading enjoyment.
It was a 3 hour flight from Sydney to Cairns and it’s in a different time zone which further screws up my chronological clock. It is also closer to the equator making it hot and sunny, but when I read about the cold and snow back home I think hot and sunny is a delightful alternative.
I am prepared for the sun with my SPF 2000 sunscreen. The only thing that would offer me more protection from the sun’s rays would be to wear a burka but those are very difficult to swim in which is why you see so few burka wearers at the beach.
For dinner I tried a combo platter of kangaroo, emu, and crocodile. It all tasted like chicken but was very good. This morning I also tried the Australian staple of Vegemite. This did not taste like chicken but more like chicken droppings.
To describe the taste of Vegemite, imagine eating a handful of topsoil and then trying to get the taste out of your mouth by biting into a vitamin capsule and washing it down with castor oil. It is without a doubt one of the most vile taste sensations I have ever purposely experienced and is probably the reason the Australian dollar is only worth 80 U.S. cents.
After swimming the reef tomorrow, I will be visiting the rain forest where all of the world’s most deadly spiders and snakes live but I’m not worried because I will be carrying a guaranteed repellant…Vegemite.
Stay tuned to this channel for more exciting details as they happen, assuming I don’t get eaten by a Great White.
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