You can’t always depend on a robin to be the harbinger of spring. Sometimes they stay in 20120330_baseball_33Mexico for a few extra weeks, and who can blame them?

You can’t count on tulips to be the harbinger of spring because you forgot to plant them last fall. You can’t even count on Spring Break to be a harbinger of spring because you’re too old to twerk.

The one sign of spring that we have always been able to depend upon, no matter what, is baseball’s Opening Day. The opening day of Major League Baseball is a sign that spring is here. Before you know it, the weather will get warmer and everything will be back to normal and it’s all due to baseball. All hail the boys of summer. There must be magic in them bats.

The previous paragraph is the only possible logic I could see for paying a bunch of baseball players salaries that are equal to, or greater than, the gross national product of the country they come from.

When ball players salaries are discussed, they are talking about tens of millions of dollars. I’m sorry but nobody short of the guy that invents eternal youth is worth tens of millions of dollars a year. Even the minimum pay is great. Guys at the bottom of the list make half a million dollars…for playing a game…for six months.

My question is why are the owners paying this much money to guys who are lucky to hit the ball a third of the time? I don’t know the answer to this question but I have an idea to saver them some cash.

I think baseball players should be paid for their performance. At the end of every game, players would line up and receive their pay for that game. Base pay would be $1,000 per game just for showing up. If you don’t play, you still go home with a grand in your pocket and you got to watch the baseball game from a really cool seat. It’s a win-win.

For every hit you make, you get a bonus. $500 for a single; $1,000 for extra bases, and a cool $5,000 for a home run. Similar performance levels would be placed on defense and of course pitching a no-hitter would be a big payday.

At the end of the day, a good player could go home with thousands, and that’s just for one game. Double headers mean serious cha-ching.

Of course, if a player screws up, it’s going to cost him. An error on the field is a$5,000 fine. If the error cost the team a run, it goes to $10,000.

This all makes perfect sense which is why it will never be implemented. At least we still have opening day.

On opening day we take the day off from work and head out to the ballpark so we can pay $100 for a seat, $12 for a hot dog, and $10 for a beer. But we gladly do it because opening day is a day of renewal and we are renewing our credit card debt. It must be spring.

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