It’s Time To Till



I enjoy gardening more than any of my other hobbies including sloth and lethargy.

Gardening is the only thing a homeowner can do that gives him a reward. If you paint your house, what is your reward? Your house looks nice, even though nobody else will tell you that. What about plumbing? If you unclog the toilet, what is your reward? Your payback is that you don’t have to go down to the gas station to use the can and that seems more of a threat than a reward.

With gardening, the reward is FOOD. You get to eat your hobby, and in the case  of zucchini all of your friends, relatives, and unsuspecting neighbors can eat your hobby too.

There is a lot of maintenance involved in gardening, but if you are considering growing your own crops this year, follow my 10 Step Plan, it’s as easy as ABD.

Dale’s 10 Step Gardening Plan

Step one – First, turn the soil; till the acreage, or as I did and hire a guy named Billy Jim to Roto-till my garden plot.

Step two – is a beer, as a reward for having completed step one.

Step three – is planting. Planting involves placing either seeds or baby plants in the soil so they can grow. It is long, tedious, back breaking work that leads directly to step step four.

Step four is another beer for completing step three.

Step five, is watering. Edibles need a great deal of water to grow. This is because they are primarily made of water. A banana is 74% water. The human body on the other hand is only 60% water. So don’t go thinking you’re better than a banana.

Steps six through ten. From here on in, your work is all maintenance. There’s weed pulling, plant thinning, composting, mulching, more weed pulling, anti-rabbit fence installing, fertilizing, weed pulling, and of course, beer drinking. This is a lot of work, but there’s food on the other end, and the best part is that you only have to grow the stuff you like.

There’s no seed packet for mixed vegetables, you only grow what you like. There are no beets in my garden. This year I put in a crop of soybeans. I hear that soy milk is quite healthy and after you milk ‘em you can turn them into tofu. It’s a win-win. And, given the size of my plot, I should pull in well over a bushel of soybeans, maybe two.

It’s got to work out better than last year when I tried to grow pork-n-beans.

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