Pay your taxes yet? Me neither.

money fliesToday is April 15th, commonly known as tax day, the day when you, as a citizen of the U.S. of A, must file and pay your income taxes for money earned in 2012. You have until midnight today to do that and I say, “Why didn’t somebody warn me that this was coming?”

Now that I look back, it makes some sense that I was seeing Uncle Sam or the Statue of Liberty on every street corner waving me into an H&R Block office. They were trying to tell me to get my taxes done but I didn’t catch the hint and now and I have only a few hours left. At least I have an idea this year.

I am going to fill out my tax form with numbers I selected at random from last night’s lottery. Then I will place these numbers on the tax form and add a couple of zeroes to make it look legit. I will also include a check for $75 to cover taxes owed. My theory is thus; when the IRS person opens the envelope and sees the check, he or she will be so happy that somebody actually sent them money that they will be overjoyed and not even bother to look at my return.

If they do examine my return and claim that I was fraudulent, I will simply say that, “I was just joking. I have an overactive funny bone and since funny-bone-icitis is not covered by ObamaCare, there is nothing I can do about it. Oh sure, I try to sadden up by watching Cubs games or weather reports from the midwest but I just can’t do it. My funny bone keeps interrupting and making me do crazy stuff. I apologize for the mistake and will redo my tax return with a more serious bent next year. In the mean time, you can keep the $75 on my account.”

I’m hoping that excuse will buy me a little time but it will probably buy me a lot of time, like 10 to 20 years. Time to file for an extension so I can think up a better excuse.

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