Presidential Debate #3 – A Summary

It was the final showdown between Barack Obama and Mitt Romney. This one was moderated by Bob Schieffer who wrote all of the questions and divulged them to no one in advance. How cool would it be to have that job? Being able to ask the president and his challenger anything you wanted; boxers or briefs?, Mac or PC?, Who’d you rather do?

This time they sat in comfy chairs at a desk. Right off the bat I noticed that Mitt’s American flag lapel pin was bigger than the president’s American flag pin, apparently Mitt is buying into the rumor that “size matters”

President Obama drew first blood with the line, “The 1980’s called and they want their foreign policy back.” Mitt is starting to smile, channeling his inner Biden, then counter punches by saying, “Attacking me is not an agenda.”

Now the gloves are coming off, and Romney’s look very nice. I think they’re from Nordstroms.

Both candidates are getting snippy and bitchy, and interrupting each other and for a minute I thought I was watching the Jerry Springer Show, and now that I think about it, wouldn’t Jerry Springer have made great moderator for the debate?

They talked a lot about the troubles in Egypt. I think they could cure all of Egypt’s woes by installing giant water slides on the pyramids and opening up some Victoria’s Secret stores.

The topic went from foreign policy to small business to education to Medicare to tax cuts to the military so fast that I was getting dizzier than a St. Louis Cardinal’s fan watching game 7.

Barack went for the sarcasm, telling Romney “Now we have ships that go underwater; they’re called submarines.” Romney responded with, “Yeah, but how cool would it be if we had flying submarines?”

At this point, I left the debate for a while to catch up on the baseball game and the Bears-Lions game.

When I came back the candidates were spinning their questions like tops until they completely changed the topic. When they got to discussing Israel, they spun the questions like dreidels.


The sparring continued with punches landing on both sides but no knockout. Romney put his gloves back on.

Neither candidate addressed the number one threat to America. Canada. If they wanted to, Canada could just walk in and take over, bringing their Loonies with them to buy up the USA and rename it the USA,Eh.

The last question asked was about China and Obama said there’s a good China and a bad China. Romney said that the good China should be used when company comes over for dinner, and the bad China should be for every day use.

Mitt Romney said that he loves teachers, to which Bob Shieffer added, “I think we all love teachers.” Point Schieffer. The debates are over. Remember to vote.

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