The assumed Republican candidate for president, Mitt Romney, is getting ready to name his vice presidential running mate and I think I’m the man for the job. Hopefully Mitt will read this blog and give me a call but I’m not holding my breath…and I promise not to hold it during my vice presidency.
I think I would be the perfect running mate for Mitt because I have all of the missing parts he is looking for. Mitt is very rich. I am not. Mitt is Mormon. I am not. Mitt looks likes the guy in the photo when you buy the picture frame. I do not. Mitt doesn’t drink. I do. I am a member of Sam’s Club. Mitt doesn’t know what that is. So I should appeal to all of the people who can’t relate to Mitt. On top of this, I promise not to say anything stupid like Joe Biden.
I will stay out of the way, and not try to get any headlines, and will attend all of the state funerals and look sad. If Mitt has a meeting he doesn’t want to go to, send me. If Mitt makes too many appointments for the same time; let me fill in. And if Mitt feels bad at the inaugural ball because he can’t dance, well just let VP Twinkle Toes take over.
I am the yin to Mitt’s yang…not that I have ever seen Mitt’s yang but you catch my drift. I am the gravy to his mashed potatoes and I bring the peanuts to Mitt’s ballgame.
And speaking of ball games, I think Mitt ought to really play up his baseball aspect. After all, he’s named after a piece of baseball equipment, a mitt. He should be playing up the baseball angle by using phrases like “hit a home run”, “go the distance”, and “who’s on first?”. I even think that Mitt should ditch the suit and start wearing a baseball uniform with #1 on the back. He could even give out free baseball mitts.
So Mitt, I encourage you to look at me as the choice for your V.P. I promise to get you the votes you may be missing, and most importantly, when we get elected, I promise to stay out of the way. Give me a call.