In the classic Marx Brothers movie, “Horse Feathers” Groucho sang a spirited salute to contrarianism that contained the lyrics echoed in the headline of this article,
“I don’t care what you have to say
It makes no difference anyway;
Whatever it is, I’m against it!”
Those words have become my battle cry as I face the daily drivel, nonsense, idiocy, and ludicrousness that dominates my daily life.
All of us are fed a daily diet of media pap and from this we are supposed to form our opinions on life. Well, if the stuff reported in the daily news is supposed to help form my life, I think I would be better off dead. That is just a metaphoric simile play on words, but you know what I mean.
CASE #1 – Why – in any universe – would anyone give a rat’s posterior about the Kardashians? What have they ever done? What have they contributed to society? Where the heck did they come from? I don’t know and I don’t care so please stop telling my what Kim and Khloe, and the rest of the Ks are doing today. Any news you give me only wants to line up all of the Kardashians and beat them with sticks…even faux Kardashian Bruce Jenner whose face already looks like it has already been hit with the ugly stick.
CASE #2 – Another person I don’t care about, Donald Trump. I don’t watch his show. I don’t live in his towers. And I don’t go to the same hair “stylist.” Add to that, the fact that Mr. Trump seems like a real dick of a guy to be around. The only thing we really have in common is that neither one of us is fond of Rosie O’Donnel.
CASE #3 – Please stop telling me what happened on last night’s episode of Dancing With The Stars. If I really cared I would have watched the show.
CASE #4 – I wish the advertisers would stop producing dopy commercials. I don’t care how lush the surroundings are, they will never convince me that the perfect ending to a romantic evening is to be sitting in separate bathtubs in the middle of nowhere.
FINALLY, I also don’t give a crap about who is pregnant, who’s getting divorced, and who’s getting married. Enough already with the shocking news that Brad Pitt and Angelena are getting married. I guess they wanted to wait until they had enough kids to comprise the wedding party.
Instead of all this nonsense, please just tell me what I need to know. Please keep me informed about what my government is doing…in Columbia. And where does one find a good hooker in a foreign country? Do they take credit cards or do you have to have your money exchanged for Columbian kilograms? Inquiring minds want to know.
Now I have to focus on the tribulations of Kanye West. Gee, I wish he could find a nice girl.
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