Sometimes You Feel Like A Nut

Halloween is nigh and it is time to prepare for the onslaught of
smileychildren, teens, and drunken adults who will ring our doorbells and demand treats. These treats usually take the form of candy, but this year, non-candy treats are being endorsed as an alternative to avoid food allergies, cavities, and obesity, and this gave me an idea.

Instead of candy, this year I will be giving out stuff that I was going to put in the garage sale. This way I don’t have to waste an entire Saturday to make $20 and haggle with a foreign lady over the price of a 5 cent item.

When the little trick-or-treaters come to my door, they don’t know what they’ll get. Maybe they’ll get a plunger, or possibly a toaster, or if they’re lucky, a National Geographic from 1972. It will be a true treasure hunt for them and it will rid my basement of crap.

When I informed the neighbors of my intentions, they threatened to pelt my house with Egg Beaters if I pawned off my junk on their kids. I am now back to square one and have to buy candy.

I went to Sam’s Club for candy because I needed a pallet of tuna and a fifty gallon drum of tomato sauce anyhow. As I passed the candy aisle I stopped to survey all of my options and came to the conclusion that candy isn’t cheap. I would be better off giving away cans of tuna.

There are a plethora of candy bars available but my favorite has always been about a quarter pound of Hershey’s Kisses. The candy bars I always appreciated however were Mounds and Almond Joy.

These confections are basically the same chocolate and coconut candy bar but Almond Joy had the addition of two almonds that I assume were joyous, hence the name. They advertised these two treats together with the tag line, “Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don’t.” and now that I look back at it, I think this is how we need to treat our lives. Some times you are very serious but there are times when you just feel like a nut.

I feel like a nut most of the time but there are times when I feel nuttier than others. When this happens, I feel compelled to share my inner nuttiness with the world and do something to brighten their day. One time I got on an elevator with four ladies and asked them, “Ladies, do  these pants make my butt look big?” Funny how they all got off on the next floor.

I also enjoy going to the supermarket produce section and looking at the green beans. After careful inspection, I select one bean and put it in a bag. Then I proceed to the checkout where I carefully place my bean on the conveyor belt between the separating rods. While in line, I ask the other shoppers for the best ways to cook a bean. Their answers are always a treat and everybody has a good laugh at the weird guy with the legume.

So as we approach Halloween, I encourage you to let your inner nut roam free. Not just on special occasions, but anytime the mood strikes you. If you can brighten someone’s day with a comment, a joke, or just something nutty like buying one bean, do it. Before you know it, we could have the planet laughing.

Do it any time, anywhere, because sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don’t.

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